Change is Coming

Tomorrow I have a small outpatient surgery to insert my port.  The port will be so that I don't have to have so many IVs in my arm over the next year (having cancer in my left breast means I can never have a needle in my left arm again- only right).  I feel like I am constantly getting poked with needles over the last two weeks. I have my blood drawn often, get my treatments infused by IV and have been getting lots of shots.  So the port will be placed in my chest, so when treatment times comes a small needle is inserted into the port and that is how I will get my infusions.

It will be easier once I have it, but the thought of having a little port stuck in my chest with a small tube that is connected to my veins, semi-permanently is not putting me at ease. I am very nervous for tomorrow....  I will wake up from the procedure with something that I can visibly see in my chest.  Ick!

The other change that is coming and coming soon is my hair loss.  It will start tomorrow and continue over the next few days.  The doctors predict day 9-12 after chemo.  I spoke my oncologist about it yesterday and I am not as scared for it as I had been.  I am prepared which is the first step in the process.

What I worry about the most, is after having the the port and hair loss... will I look at myself differently?  Will I start looking to me, like I have a disease?  Right now I see a healthy, successful, beautiful young women when I look in the mirror and I am not ready for that to change.

More info on Port Catheters if you are interested (I didn't even know they existed before two weeks ago). PORT-CATHETER: Implanting a subcutaneous port generally requires two incisions. The port reservoir is placed under the skin. A small skin incision slightly longer than the diameter of the device itself is made, and a small pocket for the port is created under the skin. Then the catheter is inserted into a vein. A small, elevated area remains on your body at the site of the reservoir at the conclusion of the procedure. The port, which passes from an access site in a vein of your arm, shoulder or neck, ends in a large central vein in the chest. The reservoir has a silicone covering that can be punctured with a special needle.