Happy Cancerversary To Me!

Before it happened to me, my impression of a cancer diagnosis is that it kills, it's ugly, painful, hurts loved ones and it is something one must "fight".

But then it happened (still a little shocking, right?), September 15th, 2012. What I thought I knew, what I thought I would project onto my journey- all the worst possibilities, completely shifted to a hopeful and graceful space. I most definitely had weak and terrible days. But in most, I chose stillness, I let my cancer guide me, let it be a teacher (if we miss the moments in life that are here to teach us, they will come back as something else) and forgot what I thought I knew. What I did know for sure, is that I wasn't going to beat or fight my cancer, I really rejected the idea of the fight and embraced being one with it . I knew over time, I would let it go and move away from it.

I share this with you because today is a significant mile marker for me in moving beyond cancer. I am a 3-year Survivor (OMG.. .that feels amazing to say aloud). I have been waiting for this day since I was diagnosed.... Being Her2Neu positive is a blessing and a curse. It's a rapid fire, aggressive breast cancer, that if a re-occurrence persists, usually occurs in the first 3 years. I had a miracle drug as part of my treatment, called Herceptin. Before Herceptin, Her2Neu was a death sentence (major love to the scientists who developed this drug). So, because I had the year of Herceptin infusions- statistically speaking- at the 3 year mark- I am sitting pretty.

What does celebration look like this year? You will find me twisting somewhere between what was and what is -- between what was lost and what is now found. These two worlds, these two selves -- these two experiences -- are me.

I approach this day with profound gratitude that I am alive, I am where I am, that I am present and that I have survived.

I am ever so grateful for cancer, for the lessons learned, for the hope renewed, for a life elevated. I am grateful for you, for my loved ones that make everyday special. For the last two years, this day represents so much love and joy and it's become my most precious and favorite day of the year.

XOXO