It has been a few days... Haven't been feeling well so I didn't write. This round, due to the different meds, was challenging for me. The side effects were much worse than my first treatment.... They started on Sunday which was 72 hours after treatment and lasted until this morning. How I felt (I will be keeping out some details that you just don't need to know):
* Too tired to move. On Sunday I slept most of the day, could hardly keep my eyes open much.
* Food and even water taste terrible. Didn't find much to eat that didn't taste awful. I have to drink lots of water to get the chemo through my body quickly and the water really tasted yucky. To make my point about food, I love any berries, fruit or vegetables. My Mom gave me these beautifully delicious raspberries for breakfast and I basically had to spit them out. They tasted like sour milk or something disgusting. So sad for me because there was nothing wrong with them. Because they are good for me to eat, I kept on eating, but it is not easy to taste food that you love and have it be disgusting.
* Had a hard time getting up and walking on my own on Sunday, my family had to be by my side every step of the way (yes...every). I felt faint at one point and I was on my own walking to the restroom and never would let them out of my sight after that.
I could keep going on, but I will stop there. Basically, the first time around and with the Taxol the sickness was manageable. I knew the next four months wouldn't be easy but I was confident that I could handle it. This time around with Taxotere, the sickness was near unbearable for me and I felt so unlike myself that there were times I got scared. Scared because they say that as the treatments go on they can get worse because your body is weaker and that is scary, to get much worse than what I felt on Sunday seems like it may be too much to handle. For the first time, I understand what "fighting" cancer means. It feels like a fight now- knowing I have 4 more to go. I was feeling strong up until Saturday, I didn't quite understand why people kept telling me to "fight" hard. I didn't connect with the statement. The way I was looking at my journey was more about healing my body and nourishing it so it can be calm and healthy during a time my doctor's are pumping really harsh things into to. I guess, now, I understand the word "fighting" as it relates to cancer. Every treatment, I will be fighting with feeling terribly sick. I hope to be feeling 100% back to myself in the next few days so I can get back to nourishing and keeping my body calm so it can gain the strength back to take on the next treatment.
Some good news to share. My neuropothy did not get any worse... so the reason behind the change in chemo regimens was effective. I have terrible sickness but the outcome will hopefully be to have feeling in my feet over the next six months or so. Silver lining!
Tomorrow morning I get my white blood cell count checked as it can be a day where they can be low but last time I was normal so I am hoping for the same news. I am back to work tomorrow and looking forward to feeling like myself and back to a routine.
On Saturday I went to a great seminar on breast cancer and I can't wait to share all that I learned. Stay tuned!
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