A Numbers Game

Sometimes I feel like this journey is a numbers game.  I met with my oncologist today and we had some time to talk and discussed the long-term outcome of this journey.  I asked the questions... I am ready to hear the answers.  I had stayed away from topics that would lead me past the next few months, but feel like I am grounded enough now to hear what the reality of this cancer is.

Do you want the good new or not the best news first?  

Good news: 85% survival rate over the next five years for localized breast cancer.  

Scary news: Dr. Meyering started the conversation by saying, "the statistics are alarming."  When your Oncologist says that you want to start crying or run out of the room.  I stayed strong, but had tears coming from my eyes, only because my eyes have been tearing over the last few days as a side effect. She then told me that assuming that her prognosis of Stage II is correct, based on the type of cancer I have, there is a 10-15% chance of my breast cancer spreading to other parts of my body over the next ten years.  Breast cancer can spread to the brain, bone, liver and lungs.  If my breast cancer spread that would be called metastatic breast cancer. If one has metastatic cancer, there is no curing it, like we are doing now with mine, it is just managing the cancer.  Alarming is right, Dr. Meyering!  I have been digesting the news all day today. 

If you are wondering why the stage of my cancer is still on the table, my Oncologist has made her best guess of prognosis for stage.  She really believes it is 2a.  However, since I didn't have surgery first, we will never really know what the true stage of the cancer is.  There is a possibility that it is stage 3 but we won't ever really know. So much information and yet there are so many things that are still unknown and that I will never know. One of my greatest learnings from all of this will be letting of go of the unknown.  One never really knows what will happen in life, but when you know there is a potential risk, knowing that is different than being healthy living life not really knowing what will happen to you. Make sense?


For those of you that like numbers and understanding risk:
1 in 8 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer.
At age 30, 1 out of 251 will be diagnosed.
At age 40, 1 out of 69 will be diagnosed.
At age 50, 2 out of 36 will be diagnosed.
For women without a family history of breast cancer: 1 in 30 will be diagnosed.


The American Cancer Society's most recent estimates for breast cancer in the United States are for 2011:

• About 230,480 new cases of invasive breast cancer in women
• About 57,650 new cases of carcinoma in situ (CIS) will be found (CIS is non-invasive and is the earliest form of breast cancer).
• About 39,520 deaths from breast cancer (women)

Breast cancer is the most common cancer among women in the United States, other than skin cancer. It is the second leading cause of cancer death in women, after lung cancer.

The chance of dying from breast cancer is about 1 in 35. Breast cancer death rates have been going down, which is great news. Right now there are more than 2½ million breast cancer survivors in the United States.  I will be a proud breast cancer survivor!  

Me Again...

I had a great check-up today, blood cell counts are where they need to be, I gained a few pounds and overall am on track.


I had a day out on Sunday with girlfriends... shopping, lunch and the Marilyn Monroe movie.  I enjoyed every ounce of it!


Yesterday and today I have felt so fantastic. As good as I felt before chemo started and have been rejoicing in the glory of working and then having a life after work.  I have energy and don't feel like much of a cancer patient this week.  

Counts Are High

I went to the oncologist office today and my blood work showed high levels of white blood cell counts, which is great news.  They are ultra high right now but will come down to normal levels over the course of the next few days.  The Neustra did its job and I will now have the shot 24 hours after ever chemo treatment so that we don't jeopardize my white blood cell count again.  The shot comes with its own set of side effects, similar to the chemo side effects but is well worth it to stay healthy.  

My head rash is healing well and tumor is looking good.  I made a joke with the doctor today that my goal is for the tumor to be the size of a pea when chemo is done.  And she said that she thinks it will be undetectable and the surgeon will have to do an MRI before surgery to know where it is located and they can use the marker that was inserted at the time of the biopsy.  I was so excited when she said that, the chemo is working its magic and is the news is so promising.  

Gained two pounds since last Thursday so the Four Seasons brunch did the trick.... 

I am feeling back to fabulous and loving every minute of it.  

Have a great night and I will talk to you soon. 

The New Normal

I am feeling back to normal, well almost....  What is normal?  This Wednesday will mark 8 weeks since my diagnosis and life definitely is not like what it was before I found out that I have breast cancer.  A few minor changes...  (1) I don't work out for now, however, I hope that will change this week, (2) I have a temporary IV placed in the upper right side of my chest which has given me two scars (never had a scar before), (3) Should I state the obvious about hair loss?, (4) I am constantly poked and prodded by needles and feel like there is a doctors appointment around every corner, (4) My ailments change daily depending on what toxins are being so nicely distributed through my body, (5) Everyday is filled with support from my incredible family and amazing friends, (6) I find myself smiling all the time and half the time I have no idea what for, (7) I see the beauty in the small things which I don't think I really ever understood, (8) Assuming it is not a sick day, I wake up looking forward to all new blessings the day will bring, everyday for the last 8 weeks has been jam packed with so many new things and new people, (9) I enjoy the journey of learning how to defend my body against this disease and I look forward to sharing all that I learn with you to help you live a life without cancer and disease, (10) Incredible things are happening in my life from something that has been unthinkable really, getting breast cancer at 32.  I can't wait for the day that I am breast cancer- free and more importantly,  for the person that I will become on the journey.

So, the new normal is day by day, everything healthy and enjoying + finding the meaning in moments.

I have had my blog for 6 weeks now, I hope it has been as helpful to you as it is to me.  Already there have been 1100 views of the blog which is so exciting to me. Thank you for your support and love.

Today the family took me to brunch at the Four Seasons to fatten me up... It almost worked.

XOXO- K

Nadir Day

I went to the Oncologist this morning, it is my Nadir day (the day that my white blood cell count can be at a low point).  They did blood work and found that I have neutropenia (my white blood cell count is very low).  Chemotherapy can reduce a persons white blood cell count which means the immune system isn't as strong and there is risk of serious infection and sickness.  Basically, if I get sick or continue to have low white blood cell count than there is a potential for delayed chemo treatment which we don't want.

They gave me a shot of Neulasta which will increase my blood cell count back to normal.  The Neulasta has its own set of side effects which are sore muscles and body aches and a potential for fever.  But, should do its job and get me back to healthy again.  I am confined to my home for the next few days so that I don't get sick from anyone, which may sound like fun, but I have been here for 5 days straight.  I am ready to get OUT!  I will be patient...work from home and do some reading at night.  I am happy to be back to a full work day, even if it is from home.

I also have a rash on my head called folliculitis.  It is very common during chemo and through research I actually found out that 20% of people have it at one point in their life. So, if you ever find yourself with it, give me a call.  It has been 5 days of burning and itching on my head.  Kept me up for two nights because the urge to itch is so strong that it becomes hard to sleep.  But, it is getting slightly better and better as the days progress.  I have to put creams, gels and am taking pills to get it under control.  Oh the joys of all new things.

I have been loosing weight for the last month, on average 2 lbs a week and I promise I am not trying to.  I have been eating like crazy, but all good things so I was dropping weight. The Dr. does a weigh in every time I visit and in the last 7 days I dropped another 4 lbs.  Weight loss right now is not good for me and especially at 4 lbs a week.  So, the family is working hard today to get weight back on me... problem is that food doesn't taste good.  Aunt Soozie is making veggie soup, Kyle is bringing me mashed potatoes and chicken from Wood Ranch for lunch and well see what goes on for dinner.  I had a Habit Cheeseburger for dinner last night and on Tuesday two grilled cheese and turkey melts. Lots of food....

So the great news that I am so excited to share.  Dr. Meyering examined my tumor again today and it continues to reduce in size.  It is smaller than when I first discovered it and reacting very well to treatments.  It barely feels like it is there.

Talk to you tomorrow.

"Fighting" Cancer

It has been a few days...  Haven't been feeling well so I didn't write.  This round, due to the different meds, was challenging for me.  The side effects were much worse than my first treatment....  They started on Sunday which was 72 hours after treatment and lasted until this morning.  How I felt (I will be keeping out some details that you just don't need to know):
* Too tired to move.  On Sunday I slept most of the day, could hardly keep my eyes open much.
* Food and even water taste terrible.  Didn't find much to eat that didn't taste awful.  I have to drink lots of water to get the chemo through my body quickly and the water really tasted yucky.  To make my point about food, I love any berries, fruit or vegetables.  My Mom gave me these beautifully delicious raspberries for breakfast and I basically had to spit them out.  They tasted like sour milk or something disgusting.  So sad for me because there was nothing wrong with them. Because they are good for me to eat, I kept on eating, but it is not easy to taste food that you love and have it be disgusting.
* Had a hard time getting up and walking on my own on Sunday, my family had to be by my side every step of the way (yes...every).  I felt faint at one point and I was on my own walking to the restroom and never would let them out of my sight after that.

I could keep going on, but I will stop there.  Basically, the first time around and with the Taxol the sickness was manageable. I knew the next four months wouldn't be easy but I was confident that I could handle it.  This time around with Taxotere, the sickness was near unbearable for me and I felt so unlike myself that there were times I got scared. Scared because they say that as the treatments go on they can get worse because your body is weaker and that is scary, to get much worse than what I felt on Sunday seems like it may be too much to handle.  For the first time, I understand what "fighting" cancer means.  It feels like a fight now- knowing I have 4 more to go.  I was feeling strong up until Saturday, I didn't quite understand why people kept telling me to "fight" hard. I didn't connect with the statement. The way I was looking at my journey was more about healing my body and nourishing it so it can be calm and healthy during a time my doctor's are pumping really harsh things into to.  I guess, now,  I understand the word "fighting" as it relates to cancer.  Every treatment, I will be fighting with feeling terribly sick.  I hope to be feeling 100% back to myself in the next few days so I can get back to nourishing and keeping my body calm so it can gain the strength back to take on the next treatment.  

Some good news to share. My neuropothy did not get any worse... so the reason behind the change in chemo regimens was effective.  I have terrible sickness but the outcome will hopefully be to have feeling in my feet over the next six months or so.  Silver lining!

Tomorrow morning I get my white blood cell count checked as it can be a day where they can be low but last time I was normal so I am hoping for the same news.  I am back to work tomorrow and looking forward to feeling like myself and back to a routine.

On Saturday I went to a great seminar on breast cancer and I can't wait to share all that I learned. Stay tuned!

Treatment No. 2

Today was a great day!  I had my second chemo infusion, and my fourth infusion of Herception and a few other meds.  There has been a change to my chemo cocktail, I have changed from Taxol to Taxotere and still will have Carboplatin.  I have a bad case of neuropathy and have it very early on in my treatment.  Continuing on with Taxol could have made it a permanent condition, at this time we hope it is just semi permanent but there is no way to tell this early on.  Taxotere still have the side effect of neuropathy but less than Taxol.

I will continue with treatments every three weeks.  I am two down and only four more to go.

The great news of the day is that my tumor is changing in shape and possibly size.  It is reacting incredibly well to the chemo and the changes took place with just one chemo treatment.  The doctor got the chills when she examined me and is so excited, as am I.  Couldn't ask for better news....

My aunt was with me today at treatment, we had a lovely day spending time together.  She is out visiting for two weeks and will be caring for me this weekend when I am sick.  With the change in chemo medication will come changes in how I feel this weekend.  I am back to the beginning really, not knowing what symptoms I will have and how long they will last.  I will likely start getting flu like symptoms in the next 24 hours.  Planning to be down and out for 3 to 4 days like I was last time.  But, prepared and ready, especially with the good news that the treatments are working well. Knowing how well my body is responding makes the pain and sickness that is up and coming even more worth while.

Plan from here on out: Next week I get checked for my white blood cell counts on Thursday and assuming all goes well with my counts and my neuropathy doesn't get any worse than it is now, I will have my third chemo cocktail on Thursday, November 17th. I am going to be making appointments with a nutrionist, knowing there are many long-term side effects of chemotherapy, I hope to chagne my diet or take supplements that will hopefully help keep the long-term side effects at bay.  I will also be seeing an accupunturist to see if they can realize some of the pain in my feet from the neuropathy and many believe that accupunture can help with blood flow and getting my liver and kidneys some relief from the chemo as they are working on overtime right now processing all the toxins in my body.  If you know of a fabulous accupunturist, would love a referal.

I am hoped up on steroids since yesterday and thru tomorrow and will start anti-nausea meds today for the next 5 days or so.

My oncologist presented my case to the UCLA board last night and on Monday to the Tumor Board.  She presented my case so that she can showcase how she is treating me and to teach other oncologists how to treat young women with aggressive cancers.  One of the benefits to me of her reviewing my case is that other doctors are able to comment on her treatment choices, she told me today that all doctors were very supportive of her treatment regimen.

I no longer have hair growing on my legs or underarms. Won't have to shave for at least another year... Jealous???

I will do my best to post this weekend to keep you up to date on how I am feeling.

Starting to Talk

I have had many friends tell me that my story and my diagnosis has started a conversation between them and their loved ones.  Men are talking to their wives, girlfriends are sharing my blog and talking to their friends about my story and women are talking to men about the possibility of men getting breast cancer (many people thinks it only happens to women which is not the case).  Being that I have many friends that are under 40, many young ladies haven't yet had conversations with their OBGYN about prevention or detection.  More importantly the OBGYNs aren't talking about it with their patients (they didn't with me and I asked what I needed to do differently in my 30's, before I turned 30).

Conversations are starting to happen as you all share my story....  I feel so blessed and so lucky to share my journey with you, hoping I will change by bringing awareness to young women and the diagnosis of cancer.

Thank you for your love and continued support!
     

Second Opinions

I am one lucky girl... I have been blessed with such amazing friends.

I love my oncologist and although have spent little time with my surgeon up until now, I feel very confident in his abilities.  Both the oncologist and surgeon are highly respected in their field.  Luckily I have friends or friends of family that have reached out to people they know to do some research on my treatment team.

First, Lauren Chen was kind enough review my pathology reports with her close friend, an oncologist.  She agreed with my treatment regimen.  With my treatment team coming highly regarded and then the news of the second opinion, I felt at ease and so happy that I have such great care.

Then... just last week Ashley put me in touch with one of the top oncologists that works at Genentech, the maker of Herceptin.  The oncologist that reviewed my case at Genentech said the following in an email that I received today.

"Sounds like Kristin is getting great care!!!! The treatment is very aggressive and, given her age, it should be!   I would only be concerned if her physicians were taking a very conservative approach and they are not. I'll keep a good thought in mind for her. Keep me posted on her treatment and outcome."- Mark Sliwkowski from Genentech.  


That is two second opinions that agree with  my treatment regimen and not only are they second opinions but the opinions come from highly respected oncologists.  Couldn't ask for more right now than to have a great team around me, taking incredible care of me.  I am so lucky!

More on Mark Sliwkowski
http://www.gene.com/gene/research/sci-profiles/rsrchonc/sliwkowski/