Love Like You Mean It... Then, Always Repeat

As the year comes to a close and I reflect on the brilliant year that is almost behind us, I am thankful for my health, the good health of everyone around me, my new friends, friends that have been faithful and added fullness and the lovely journey that is my life.  Cancer gave me the blessing of seeing myself through others eyes, I have seen who I am through all of you that have been with me through my sickness and recovery.  I've had a beautiful and blessed journey through a messy and down-right frightening time of life.  But, it has been just recently, that I've had some life-affirming moments by seeing my courage through your eyes and the way you do.  When asked how I got through my sickness, I stumble trying to answer. The truth is I just didn't see any other way to live.  

For the 36 hours that followed the words, "You have cancer", I felt terrified and broken.  In an instant, I knew I was labeled as "sick" and that made me feel out of control.  Life, or really my thoughts, were moving at lightening fast speeds.  I quickly started to process the changes that were ahead and I had a profound moment while anticipating my hair loss.  I knew that the days were limited of physically looking the same.  It was in that moment, that I said out loud while on a walk with Kensington, "I will love what I have!"  It was then that the journey of loving myself unconditionally began.  

Within days I embraced a new way of eating, learned to quiet unloving thoughts, found strength in my daily juicing, feared less and focused on kindness and gratitude towards myself and others.  Life magically aligned overnight. I was hopeful, happy and grateful for all that was around me.  Relationships deepened and I recognized divinity and the graceful space of life where everything comes together beautifully.  

This holiday season has a different meaning than it has in years passed.  This time last year, today actually, was the 5th chemo treatment for me.  One that made me the most sick I have been and ever want to be again.  It was in those moments, laying in my parents bed that I learned even more about love.  I was so weak, couldn't do anything for myself and served no physical purpose.  Being the kind of sick that I was, re-affirmed what I was learning about love.  My purpose was to love; love myself and be grateful for the love I was receiving.  That is as simple as it gets, its raw and is naked.  Need nothing else, but to show and receive love.  

While I was deep in the throws of sickness, I allowed myself to focus not on how life changed but what remained the same and found joy in the small things that I could  still do.  

While my cancer was a difficult time for me and my family, I wouldn't want my life to be any different.  I daydream about what life may be like today, if the last year was without sickness and I don't see how life could be any better than it is now.  I know for certain, I would not be living as richly as I am.  Life makes perfect sense now... all of my life experiences, all got me to this divine place of unconditional love for my life.

What I know for sure: you may be given more than you ask for, but never more than you can handle.

You are welcome to share with someone you know who needs the info

Preparing for Chemo:

1.  Buy liter bottled water and set out three bottles to drink per day.  If the water doesn't taste good, add cucumber or mint.  Stay committed to drinking your water!

2.  Get your favorite lip moisturizer and have it ready.

3.  Layer your clothing and be comfortable.  You will be hot then cold, then hot, then cold. 

4.  If you are taking steroids, prepare by taking something to stimulate bowel movement. 

5. Keep ginger tea handy, to soothe your stomach.

6.  Your skin will change after your first treatment, its like having the best facial of your life.  The old toxins leave your body to allow the new ones in. 

7. If you have muscle ache, nothing you take will help, just let it pass and try and be comfortable.

8. If you have neuropothy; wear gloves and socks and take a B vitamin. 

9. Sleep when you want to sleep.  When you feel well, do as much as possible.

10.  Load up on fruits and veggies. 

11.  Walk whenever possible.  

12.  Most importantly, let others take care of you. It is a blessing!