New Year, New Me

For the last ten years, I have written in a journal on or around New Year's Eve, the things that I want to focus on in the next year.  They change year from year, but every year I get to look back and that is fun and rewarding.  When I look back on 2011, I see a year of learning about the power of positivity and I was given many opportunities to be courageous. For 2012, it is all about the power of possibility.

I may be too big for my britches this year, but here goes.....

1. Within the next 45 days or less the cancer will be removed from my body.  I will start radiation and be likely done with weekly Doctor Appointments by May. I am most hopeful that sometime in this year I can say that I am a breast cancer survivor (*sign and tear).
2.  Big year!  I will have hair on all parts of my body again.
3.  I hope to menstruate, again.  Yes, I am excited for this.  Ladies every month when get annoyed with yet another period, please be thankful.  Those periods keep you from crazy things......
4.  Floss.  It's the little things in life.
5.  Fall in love again.  Or lets be real, start dating. My personal life has fallen on the back burner until I am given a clean bill of health. In December of 2008, I wrote on my wish list for 2009 to fall in love again and it surprisingly happened and was magical, however, short lived. A relationship and family I am most grateful for. 
6.  Come fall, enroll is the Executive MBA program at USC. Fight on!
7.  Truly enjoy every moment and every body.

As I see it, year over year life keeps revealing the best of itself.  I have had a blessed life and my parents have worked diligently at making sure it was that way.  I will have overcome two very big life challenges at a young age. The one I am fabulously fighting and the other would be my divorce.  Both took/taking courage, grace, determination, support and was pretty in a package with so many amazing life lessons topped with a gorgeous aqua blue tiffany bow.

With all that I have learned in a short period of time over the last five months, I have learned most that I have been given a chance for a do-over life.  The chance to see life and priorities from a completely different place.  For all the wonderful things in my life, and life is truly wonderful, I am most grateful.  I say a do-over life, because until we have brushed up against mortality, life seems boundless. For me, there was always time to be happy later, but first I had to accomplish certain things.  Cancer cured this strange nearsightedness, the dance of hesitation.  At a time when I guess, I should feel the most tied down and strapped into something in my life, I have felt the most liberated and it has given me foresight to see who I want to be in this life and in every moment.

When you are faced with the reality of re-occurance rates, for me, it has given me the ability to find the joy in every moment and to be courageous enough to dream big.  I haven't ever been a dreamer and now I have big dreams for myself and still having fun creating the dream.

Ashley and I were at an antique store and passed by a picture with a quote on it and it stopped me in my steps and I started crying as I read through it.  It read; "This is the beginning of a new day.  You have been given this day to use as you will.  You can waste it or use it for good.  What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it.  When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever.  In it's place is something you will have left behind.  Let it be something good."  I tear every time I read it which I guess means, I love and connect with the saying so I wanted to make sure I shared.  I hope you like it as much as I do.

Your support over the last six months has made it so I can be so hopeful for the future.  To a brighter, happier and most importantly a healthier new year! With warmth and gratitude to have you in my life. - Muah!